A quick blog before I forget!

Hmmmmm.... It's been like 2 weeks since I last updated on our party of 5.. =) Sorry... I do keep thinking of things to write about.. Just haven a hard time getting it written down!!  For starters, Y had her dentist appointment and didn't have a single cavity.. So that proves my theory that Z's teeth are just more susceptible to cavities, and the guilt has lessened a little.. And maybe the dentist will believe me when I say that we have  good dental hygiene practices!! Also Y was such a little champ! She did so well even tho she was a little frightened.. I took her all by herself, for the soul purpose that she needs to learn how to handle new experiences without looking to her big sis to guide her through.. NOT that looking up to her sissy is a bad thing at all.. I just want her to be able to think and act for herself, make decisions and trust her own instincts, not to always hide behide Z. It was cute though, because everything they asked her to do she would ask, "did sissy do this too?" lol She is getting so grown up..  Today she came home from preschool talking about a new best friend.. Allison... That's all I know about her is her name.. other than they are planning to have a sleep over with sleeping bags, popcorn and Barbie and the Diamond castle movie!! =) For some reason it made me so happy to hear her talking about her new friend and the things they discussed.. Little Y has had some delays in speech and language, but the past month she has made huge progress! I believe sending her to preschool was the best decision.. Even if it is only 4 hrs a week.. I can see that it has boosted her self confidence tremendously! She is such a little sweet heart! She is very tall and twig thin and has the squeekest chimpmunk voice!! hahah! She is taller than Z was in Kindergarten! lol Z on the other hand has a very small frame.. I cannot tell you how many people ask if they are fraternal twins... It always makes me laugh because they are 2 years apart.. She (Y) reminds me of Tinker bell.. the way she just floats along with her wispy white blonde hair, huge blue eyes and charming smile.. I love to watch her little hands working.. They are so delicate with sweet tiny fingers tappered to an unchewed fingernailed end.. And she doesn't even realize that she holds her little pinkies up perfectly poised when she holding something.. lol  I love this little 4 year old girl of mine..

Yesterday = Motherhood Failure

Yesterday I failed miserably at motherhood. I'm still feeling horrible about it.. Now I'm sure you are wondering "WHAT DID SHE DO?!?!" lol  

Here's what I did. I let myself get angry with my children.. And I made Z cry because I yelled at her.. Wait, I take that back, I didn't yell at her, I screamed at her. 3 different times. I was so maxed to the limit of my patience! We sat and did a single days worth of 1st grade yesterday for 6 HOURS! School usually only takes us about 2 hrs. And she can breeze thru easily.. But that wasn't the case yesterday.. Math alone took 2 hrs !! She is great at math and doesn't need me to SIT on her to complete it. It normally takes her about 20 mins finish it! But that isn't the point. She is 6 years old, and she acts like a 6 year old.. I on the other hand, was NOT acting like a sane 28 yr old mother who enjoys raising her children. Infact, I DID NOT enjoy my children yesterday. I wanted to be selfish and I wanted everyone to leave me alone. I wanted my headache to stop, I wanted the noise that caused my ears to ring, to stop. I was craving a moment of silence. And when I finally got it at 10pm. I felt like a total jerk because I had acted like a bull in a china shop with my precious babies.  These little people who think I'm the greatest person in the whole world. And I couldn't wait for them to go to bed, and leave me alone! How awful is that?! I took my frustration and tiredness out on the people I love more than anything else in this world.  I was wrong to act like that and I asked for forgivness. So thankful I was granted a new day with new mercies..  Today X, Y& Z acted like they were 2,4 &6. And I acted like a 28 yr old mother who enjoys her children. (not saying there wasn't moments I wanted to go on the rampage)  Thank you Lord for your Grace.♥

Can't think of a good title... Sorry

Okay, I've started this blog like 5 different times, and can't think of anything witty or funny to say.. Not that my blogs are funny or witty. Usually just a bit of rambling about our party of 5's daily activities..  So last week Z had a dentist appointment. Ends up she has 4 cavities.. One tooth has to be pulled. (babytooth) I'm not intirely sure why she has so many. No we don't floss.. (altho we have started to now) and sometimes we don't get to brush teeth in the morning, BUT we do brush everynight.. Which I think is probably the most important time to brush, seeing that it gets all the yucky stuff off so it doesn't sit on their teeth over night.. AND Z of all children is a health nut.. She won't touch pop.. Candy is a downfall for her tho, but I rarely buy it.. Infact I can't even remember the last time I bought it.. The grandmas on the otherhand practically pour sugar down their throats.. =) They have been buying sugarfree gum at my request tho, atleast as far as I know.. =)  Y has an appointment coming up on thursday.. I'm very curious to see if she has any cavities.. To test my theory that Z just has "soft teeth".  Oh and I would have liked to punch the dentist in the face. lol He was an know-it-all idiot. I was probably older than he was and he just seemed very arrogant.. Didn't say a whole lot, but ya know the type.. I'd liked to have given him a knuckle sandwhich for lunch, see if that would have given him a cavity!! hahah! The dental hygenist was wonderful though.. Which was good because she spent the most time with us.. It was hilarious when it was time to take X-rays! As you can see from the above picture.. lol She was so tense and had her eye squeezed tight like she was afraid is was going to shock her or somthing!! lol The look of suprise when all that happened was a beeping sound was quite funny.. lol

 Hmmmmmm...... The hubs took Z to get her allergy shot today.. She has been taking them once a week for 17 months now... 2 weeks ago they said she was at her maintainance dose, which I believe she can now go everyother week.. I hope The Hubs remembers to ask about it.. BTW I don't know if it's just coincidence or if it's for real, but Z hasn't had to use any steroids or inhaler for her asthma since last spring. I'm thinking that the allergy shots are infact working!  The last few years we would be up all night with her coughing and wheezing every other night.. It was so exhausting! I was willing to try anything! But since last spring  she has to yet cough that barky cough that used to send chills up my spine! So I'm not sure if it is the allergy shots or the fact that she is getting older and maybe outgrowing it..

  Funny story about last night.. We went to bed kind of late.. I think the last time I looked at the clock it was 1:15am.. I knew I had to get up at 7:30 to get my shower and get ready for the day.. So when I woke up at 3:28am, all I saw was the :28am part.. lol Didn't pay attention to the hour. I got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower.. lol But I was stopped in the hallway by X who wasn't feeling well, so I took him back to our bed and looked at the clock again and realized it was actually 3:30 and not 7:30!! lol If X hadn't been in the hallway I would have taken a shower at 3:30am!!! lol

 Well I'm feeling the hankering for some biscuts and gravey.. So I'm signing off..

Don't tell me, tell your dad.

heehee.. I feel a little guilty about that title..lol Infact those are the last words that just came out of  my mouth!! X, Y and Z are SUPPOSED to be in bed, teeth are brushed, prayers said, and tucked in tight.. But apparently not tight enough..  I can hear their little feet and squeels.. And the little parent Z, has made her apperance to inform us that X and Y are NOT in bed anymore.. Like we couldn't tell..  I think I'll just let the hubs handle this one.. Because of course blogging is much more important than talking on the phone to his best bud about archery and hunting!!! lol Whew, here it comes again!! "I'm telling MOM!" -Z 

 Sooooo today.......  Started out pretty slow.. Woke up, got breakfast, cleaned alittle, talked to Jamie.. ( I miss her so much.. And my brother and niece and nephew) Unstopped the toilet, cleaned up the gallons of water that overflowed.. I'm sure you can guess which one is the culprit on that shinanigan... Yep, the 2 yr old  aka X. Did Z's school with her, the heaping mountain of laundy in the basement was reduced to a mole hill.. yay! Still have to put them all away though.. booo!  Got ready for church.. and now we are back home again..
 I'm kinda dreading tomorrow morning.. I was calling around today trying to find a dentist that takes our insurance.. I found one.. but didn't realize it till after the appointment was made that it's at the health department. ugh.. Nothing against the health department.. But it seems like they are such jerks in there.. Sorry Leah.. I know you work there.. And I'm sure your a sweet peach to all your clients!! ha! Anyway that is just a warning to you all that there is an outside chance that I will be blogging about some mean person at the health department!! I've already decided that IF this goes in a not so nice way tomorrow, then I'm canceling Y and X's appointments!  So there!   lol

 Well that's that.. I'm signing out!

Ohhhhh Tuesdays.

Tuesdays are suuuuper busy for us.... Get the trio up and ready and out the door at 8:45 (that really isn't to bad). Take Y to preschool.  Z to the ENT for her allergy shot. Over to playgroup, leave early to pick up Y from preschool.. Then to our favorite hang out ~The Library!~ All before 12pm. Home again for lunch and nap and Z's school work. Which is what we're doing now... The X and Y are napping,  Z is sitting next to me doing her english test and singing with her beautiful voice. = ) She has 3 big test today.. And hopefully to get some of tomorrows work done too, so we can have friends over to play.
 Big hurdle was crossed last night. For the past 8 months or so. We've had to place gates infront of X's room so he can't escape. One acrossed the bottom and one above because he is a climber..  He also wouldn't sleep in his toddler bed either.. He'd take his blankets and pillow and plop them down beside the gated doorway and sleep there.. Well last night, we decided that it was enough.. He got spanked on his little bum twice, and he stayed in his bed the rest of the night...  Although, I did put the gate at the top of the stairs, I still don't trust him to have the roam of the house if he decides to disobey.. Which would be pretty typical of a 2 yr old. But he didn't.. And it's all quiet upstairs now.. So I'm thinking he's napping like a little angel!!! =) lol  Well, I have to get off here and grade Z's test... =) Take care my friends!

January 2nd 2011

How strange it is to type 2011? Doesn't seem possible! lol Not too much to mention today. But I want to get in the habit of posting on here, so here goes!!
 About a quarter of our church members were absent today.. Everyone is sick. Including everyone who came! I think I would consider myself a "in the closet germaphobe" I am over coming this now, because I think it's important to keep our immune systems primed and ready, but it still irks my OCD when I'm sitting in our pew with our 3 chickadees and people are hacking and sniffeling everywhere. AND a little guy in the childrens singing service threw up everywhere!!! It was all I could do to NOT bring the kiddos home and bathe them in peroxide!!! HA! No, I'm really not that bad..I just settled for handwashing and some purex.. Now that the kids are getting older it isn't quite as bad as it was when they were little.. =) I will let you know if we do indeed get sick.. Fever, aches and pains... Oh joy.. Signing out ~

Missing what could have been.

There is a sadness and longing in my heart tonight. Sometimes it's more evident pain, like now around the holidays, or in June and September. Other times it's just a fleeting tug, like in April, or late January. And sometimes I barely feel it at all.. Tonight is one of those nights tho, that I miss oh so deeply, what could have been.  I should have at least 4 babies tucked into bed tonight. One of them should be getting ready celebrate his first birthday. My little ones whose heart stopped beating before I could even hold them.. Only a little peanut on the ultrasound machine.

Maybe I'm a little weird and sentimental, But I'm one of those people/moms, no matter how many times I had seen (5 x's to be exact) a positive pg test and still got that "sing it from the rooftops" and "gasp in overwhelming love for the tiny human being growing in the deepest part of me"  feelings everytime I saw those parallel lines.

Anyhow, it's all a confusing feeling.. Why do I still feel this pang? It's been over a year since I lost them. And then I get even more confused when I try to figure out how I could have both in my arms, but that isn't even possible, because IF my 4th baby would have survived I couldn't have gotten pregnant in July with my 5th baby, because I would still have been pregnant with my 4th... There is no way I could have had them both. And in the end, I got neither.. (on this side of eternity anyway)  *sigh* that looks really confusing written down.. Imagine how it feels in my head!

 

I often wonder what those little people would look like.. If they'd be fair haired, or dark? Blue or green eyes? A little chunky monkey, or a tiny little pip squeak? Would they have been boy or girl? I always had a feeling that my 4th babe was a boy, and my 5 babe was a girl.. I had picked out the names Matthew and Madison (Both means Gift of the Lord... Madison is a surname of Matthew btw)

I donno. Maybe it's the fact that I know I can't have anymore babies. Maybe I feel slightly jilted because it goes against my nature to resign to defeat. My hubs and I discussed trying again, and we did for a few months. But with no avail we decided that with all the "drama" (-hubs word) that surrounds my pregnancies we probably should just count our "blessings" and have hubs undergo a minor sterilization procedure that is 99 -100% fail proof.  I'm sure I would still think of my little ones that are with our Saviour now, but I wonder if I would still feel the loss as much if I had a sweet little newborn to help mend my broken mommy heart.

Well, I do feel better to have written that down.. I try not to discuss this with anyone, for one it makes them uncomfortable, 2 they tell me not to think about it, 3 I know I sound looney, because it's been over a year and I still feel an emptyness, and I should get over it.  But this has made me feel better to spit it out..God is good alllll the time. Even when it doesn't go the way we want. thanks for listening!!!

ps, the photo is of a couple angel statues and a poem that I have in memory of my sweet little angels.. they set between 2 dogwood trees my loving hubs planted in memory of them!

My blog has a new look!

Thank you Faith for making my blog "pretty"! You did a fantastic job... I hope I can get the hang of this soon! But for now I'm counting on you to help me out!!!
 I'm kind of one of those people that keeps everything inside, and write stuff (or typing rather) has really been a relief of sorts.. I shall do my best to keep this going!! =) Thank you so much for your time and effort Faith, you are a great friend!