Oh Boy! I'm baaaaack!!!

It's been over a year since my last post!!! Snikies! So happy to have a "real" computer again.. Looking forward to blogging more often now. I was NOT gonna try to do this on my little celly phone. TONS of stuff has happened in our little family over the year hiatus.. Mostly good stuff, some wonderful stuff, and at the moment, I can't think of any really terrible stuff.. God has been..... Well, GOD. He's so good to me, even if there had been terrible moments.. He would still be good.

 Here's a little update on Z,Y & X.

 Homeschooling has been going well.. Z is much more indenpendent from me with her studies. Altho, I keep a close eye on her, she is really grasping learning.. She's been taking piano for a year now, and is still loving it, I'm so pleased with how she diligently practices her lessons every day! She's enjoying Tae Kwon Do, (she just started)  and her confidence has had a major boost.. I'm not intirely sure how that works, but I'm happy with the results so far.. She's becoming such a sweet, thoughtful, tenderhearted little lady.

Y.... My middle blonde bombshell..  WOW! She turned the big 5.. (A whole hand) And has changed soooooo much.. She's still the sweet little girl, but now with a big girl flare.. She's doing AWESOME in preschool.. I'm so happy with the school we chose for her.. I cannot believe the difference in her already.. Doing very well with speach now. And oh my, she LOVES to learn.. She cannot get enough learning!!! She is taking ballet lessons which she enjoys. And might I add, without her big sister to lead the way. (TKD is on the same evening of the week) She has a type A personality. And her dad & I marvel how easily she can make friends and how her little friends enjoy being around her. She has a knack for getting others to play what she wants to play.. For instance... At the moment Y & X are playing horsies in the next room. Y is completely directing the "conversation" the horese are having, with a quick, "Y, you chase these guys and say, mom! dad! wait for me!......k?" AND he listens to her!  Something we'll have to keep an eye on definantly, but she has the makings of a leader.. Big job for her parents for sure.. But I'm pretty sure God won't let us down when we ask for direction.

X.... oh my.. My 3 yr old little man is Daddy's buddy thru and thru..And loves his momma fiercely He is the funniest, toughest little guy I know.  I was wow'd one day this past week. He sat at the dinning room table by himself and did a "hard" puzzle for over an hour with just a couple breaks! I was happy to know that my wild 3 year old CAN focus for an extended amount of time!! He's definantly my line tester.. I have to look past that cute lil face& voice and keep him in line several times a day. He's a real hoot.. He is his daddys shadow.. They love to hunt, and kick.. (tkd, altho he is too young to take lessons, he enjoys kicking the bag w/ Z.) He and his dad sit in the man cave and watch deer hunting together.. X with his bow in hand.. =)

Welllll I gotta go.. We are going to a b-day party tonight and I've got to get these hooligans ready.. More later!!!!!

A quick blog before I forget!

Hmmmmm.... It's been like 2 weeks since I last updated on our party of 5.. =) Sorry... I do keep thinking of things to write about.. Just haven a hard time getting it written down!!  For starters, Y had her dentist appointment and didn't have a single cavity.. So that proves my theory that Z's teeth are just more susceptible to cavities, and the guilt has lessened a little.. And maybe the dentist will believe me when I say that we have  good dental hygiene practices!! Also Y was such a little champ! She did so well even tho she was a little frightened.. I took her all by herself, for the soul purpose that she needs to learn how to handle new experiences without looking to her big sis to guide her through.. NOT that looking up to her sissy is a bad thing at all.. I just want her to be able to think and act for herself, make decisions and trust her own instincts, not to always hide behide Z. It was cute though, because everything they asked her to do she would ask, "did sissy do this too?" lol She is getting so grown up..  Today she came home from preschool talking about a new best friend.. Allison... That's all I know about her is her name.. other than they are planning to have a sleep over with sleeping bags, popcorn and Barbie and the Diamond castle movie!! =) For some reason it made me so happy to hear her talking about her new friend and the things they discussed.. Little Y has had some delays in speech and language, but the past month she has made huge progress! I believe sending her to preschool was the best decision.. Even if it is only 4 hrs a week.. I can see that it has boosted her self confidence tremendously! She is such a little sweet heart! She is very tall and twig thin and has the squeekest chimpmunk voice!! hahah! She is taller than Z was in Kindergarten! lol Z on the other hand has a very small frame.. I cannot tell you how many people ask if they are fraternal twins... It always makes me laugh because they are 2 years apart.. She (Y) reminds me of Tinker bell.. the way she just floats along with her wispy white blonde hair, huge blue eyes and charming smile.. I love to watch her little hands working.. They are so delicate with sweet tiny fingers tappered to an unchewed fingernailed end.. And she doesn't even realize that she holds her little pinkies up perfectly poised when she holding something.. lol  I love this little 4 year old girl of mine..

Yesterday = Motherhood Failure

Yesterday I failed miserably at motherhood. I'm still feeling horrible about it.. Now I'm sure you are wondering "WHAT DID SHE DO?!?!" lol  

Here's what I did. I let myself get angry with my children.. And I made Z cry because I yelled at her.. Wait, I take that back, I didn't yell at her, I screamed at her. 3 different times. I was so maxed to the limit of my patience! We sat and did a single days worth of 1st grade yesterday for 6 HOURS! School usually only takes us about 2 hrs. And she can breeze thru easily.. But that wasn't the case yesterday.. Math alone took 2 hrs !! She is great at math and doesn't need me to SIT on her to complete it. It normally takes her about 20 mins finish it! But that isn't the point. She is 6 years old, and she acts like a 6 year old.. I on the other hand, was NOT acting like a sane 28 yr old mother who enjoys raising her children. Infact, I DID NOT enjoy my children yesterday. I wanted to be selfish and I wanted everyone to leave me alone. I wanted my headache to stop, I wanted the noise that caused my ears to ring, to stop. I was craving a moment of silence. And when I finally got it at 10pm. I felt like a total jerk because I had acted like a bull in a china shop with my precious babies.  These little people who think I'm the greatest person in the whole world. And I couldn't wait for them to go to bed, and leave me alone! How awful is that?! I took my frustration and tiredness out on the people I love more than anything else in this world.  I was wrong to act like that and I asked for forgivness. So thankful I was granted a new day with new mercies..  Today X, Y& Z acted like they were 2,4 &6. And I acted like a 28 yr old mother who enjoys her children. (not saying there wasn't moments I wanted to go on the rampage)  Thank you Lord for your Grace.♥

Can't think of a good title... Sorry

Okay, I've started this blog like 5 different times, and can't think of anything witty or funny to say.. Not that my blogs are funny or witty. Usually just a bit of rambling about our party of 5's daily activities..  So last week Z had a dentist appointment. Ends up she has 4 cavities.. One tooth has to be pulled. (babytooth) I'm not intirely sure why she has so many. No we don't floss.. (altho we have started to now) and sometimes we don't get to brush teeth in the morning, BUT we do brush everynight.. Which I think is probably the most important time to brush, seeing that it gets all the yucky stuff off so it doesn't sit on their teeth over night.. AND Z of all children is a health nut.. She won't touch pop.. Candy is a downfall for her tho, but I rarely buy it.. Infact I can't even remember the last time I bought it.. The grandmas on the otherhand practically pour sugar down their throats.. =) They have been buying sugarfree gum at my request tho, atleast as far as I know.. =)  Y has an appointment coming up on thursday.. I'm very curious to see if she has any cavities.. To test my theory that Z just has "soft teeth".  Oh and I would have liked to punch the dentist in the face. lol He was an know-it-all idiot. I was probably older than he was and he just seemed very arrogant.. Didn't say a whole lot, but ya know the type.. I'd liked to have given him a knuckle sandwhich for lunch, see if that would have given him a cavity!! hahah! The dental hygenist was wonderful though.. Which was good because she spent the most time with us.. It was hilarious when it was time to take X-rays! As you can see from the above picture.. lol She was so tense and had her eye squeezed tight like she was afraid is was going to shock her or somthing!! lol The look of suprise when all that happened was a beeping sound was quite funny.. lol

 Hmmmmmm...... The hubs took Z to get her allergy shot today.. She has been taking them once a week for 17 months now... 2 weeks ago they said she was at her maintainance dose, which I believe she can now go everyother week.. I hope The Hubs remembers to ask about it.. BTW I don't know if it's just coincidence or if it's for real, but Z hasn't had to use any steroids or inhaler for her asthma since last spring. I'm thinking that the allergy shots are infact working!  The last few years we would be up all night with her coughing and wheezing every other night.. It was so exhausting! I was willing to try anything! But since last spring  she has to yet cough that barky cough that used to send chills up my spine! So I'm not sure if it is the allergy shots or the fact that she is getting older and maybe outgrowing it..

  Funny story about last night.. We went to bed kind of late.. I think the last time I looked at the clock it was 1:15am.. I knew I had to get up at 7:30 to get my shower and get ready for the day.. So when I woke up at 3:28am, all I saw was the :28am part.. lol Didn't pay attention to the hour. I got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower.. lol But I was stopped in the hallway by X who wasn't feeling well, so I took him back to our bed and looked at the clock again and realized it was actually 3:30 and not 7:30!! lol If X hadn't been in the hallway I would have taken a shower at 3:30am!!! lol

 Well I'm feeling the hankering for some biscuts and gravey.. So I'm signing off..

Don't tell me, tell your dad.

heehee.. I feel a little guilty about that title..lol Infact those are the last words that just came out of  my mouth!! X, Y and Z are SUPPOSED to be in bed, teeth are brushed, prayers said, and tucked in tight.. But apparently not tight enough..  I can hear their little feet and squeels.. And the little parent Z, has made her apperance to inform us that X and Y are NOT in bed anymore.. Like we couldn't tell..  I think I'll just let the hubs handle this one.. Because of course blogging is much more important than talking on the phone to his best bud about archery and hunting!!! lol Whew, here it comes again!! "I'm telling MOM!" -Z 

 Sooooo today.......  Started out pretty slow.. Woke up, got breakfast, cleaned alittle, talked to Jamie.. ( I miss her so much.. And my brother and niece and nephew) Unstopped the toilet, cleaned up the gallons of water that overflowed.. I'm sure you can guess which one is the culprit on that shinanigan... Yep, the 2 yr old  aka X. Did Z's school with her, the heaping mountain of laundy in the basement was reduced to a mole hill.. yay! Still have to put them all away though.. booo!  Got ready for church.. and now we are back home again..
 I'm kinda dreading tomorrow morning.. I was calling around today trying to find a dentist that takes our insurance.. I found one.. but didn't realize it till after the appointment was made that it's at the health department. ugh.. Nothing against the health department.. But it seems like they are such jerks in there.. Sorry Leah.. I know you work there.. And I'm sure your a sweet peach to all your clients!! ha! Anyway that is just a warning to you all that there is an outside chance that I will be blogging about some mean person at the health department!! I've already decided that IF this goes in a not so nice way tomorrow, then I'm canceling Y and X's appointments!  So there!   lol

 Well that's that.. I'm signing out!

Ohhhhh Tuesdays.

Tuesdays are suuuuper busy for us.... Get the trio up and ready and out the door at 8:45 (that really isn't to bad). Take Y to preschool.  Z to the ENT for her allergy shot. Over to playgroup, leave early to pick up Y from preschool.. Then to our favorite hang out ~The Library!~ All before 12pm. Home again for lunch and nap and Z's school work. Which is what we're doing now... The X and Y are napping,  Z is sitting next to me doing her english test and singing with her beautiful voice. = ) She has 3 big test today.. And hopefully to get some of tomorrows work done too, so we can have friends over to play.
 Big hurdle was crossed last night. For the past 8 months or so. We've had to place gates infront of X's room so he can't escape. One acrossed the bottom and one above because he is a climber..  He also wouldn't sleep in his toddler bed either.. He'd take his blankets and pillow and plop them down beside the gated doorway and sleep there.. Well last night, we decided that it was enough.. He got spanked on his little bum twice, and he stayed in his bed the rest of the night...  Although, I did put the gate at the top of the stairs, I still don't trust him to have the roam of the house if he decides to disobey.. Which would be pretty typical of a 2 yr old. But he didn't.. And it's all quiet upstairs now.. So I'm thinking he's napping like a little angel!!! =) lol  Well, I have to get off here and grade Z's test... =) Take care my friends!

January 2nd 2011

How strange it is to type 2011? Doesn't seem possible! lol Not too much to mention today. But I want to get in the habit of posting on here, so here goes!!
 About a quarter of our church members were absent today.. Everyone is sick. Including everyone who came! I think I would consider myself a "in the closet germaphobe" I am over coming this now, because I think it's important to keep our immune systems primed and ready, but it still irks my OCD when I'm sitting in our pew with our 3 chickadees and people are hacking and sniffeling everywhere. AND a little guy in the childrens singing service threw up everywhere!!! It was all I could do to NOT bring the kiddos home and bathe them in peroxide!!! HA! No, I'm really not that bad..I just settled for handwashing and some purex.. Now that the kids are getting older it isn't quite as bad as it was when they were little.. =) I will let you know if we do indeed get sick.. Fever, aches and pains... Oh joy.. Signing out ~

Missing what could have been.

There is a sadness and longing in my heart tonight. Sometimes it's more evident pain, like now around the holidays, or in June and September. Other times it's just a fleeting tug, like in April, or late January. And sometimes I barely feel it at all.. Tonight is one of those nights tho, that I miss oh so deeply, what could have been.  I should have at least 4 babies tucked into bed tonight. One of them should be getting ready celebrate his first birthday. My little ones whose heart stopped beating before I could even hold them.. Only a little peanut on the ultrasound machine.

Maybe I'm a little weird and sentimental, But I'm one of those people/moms, no matter how many times I had seen (5 x's to be exact) a positive pg test and still got that "sing it from the rooftops" and "gasp in overwhelming love for the tiny human being growing in the deepest part of me"  feelings everytime I saw those parallel lines.

Anyhow, it's all a confusing feeling.. Why do I still feel this pang? It's been over a year since I lost them. And then I get even more confused when I try to figure out how I could have both in my arms, but that isn't even possible, because IF my 4th baby would have survived I couldn't have gotten pregnant in July with my 5th baby, because I would still have been pregnant with my 4th... There is no way I could have had them both. And in the end, I got neither.. (on this side of eternity anyway)  *sigh* that looks really confusing written down.. Imagine how it feels in my head!

 

I often wonder what those little people would look like.. If they'd be fair haired, or dark? Blue or green eyes? A little chunky monkey, or a tiny little pip squeak? Would they have been boy or girl? I always had a feeling that my 4th babe was a boy, and my 5 babe was a girl.. I had picked out the names Matthew and Madison (Both means Gift of the Lord... Madison is a surname of Matthew btw)

I donno. Maybe it's the fact that I know I can't have anymore babies. Maybe I feel slightly jilted because it goes against my nature to resign to defeat. My hubs and I discussed trying again, and we did for a few months. But with no avail we decided that with all the "drama" (-hubs word) that surrounds my pregnancies we probably should just count our "blessings" and have hubs undergo a minor sterilization procedure that is 99 -100% fail proof.  I'm sure I would still think of my little ones that are with our Saviour now, but I wonder if I would still feel the loss as much if I had a sweet little newborn to help mend my broken mommy heart.

Well, I do feel better to have written that down.. I try not to discuss this with anyone, for one it makes them uncomfortable, 2 they tell me not to think about it, 3 I know I sound looney, because it's been over a year and I still feel an emptyness, and I should get over it.  But this has made me feel better to spit it out..God is good alllll the time. Even when it doesn't go the way we want. thanks for listening!!!

ps, the photo is of a couple angel statues and a poem that I have in memory of my sweet little angels.. they set between 2 dogwood trees my loving hubs planted in memory of them!

My blog has a new look!

Thank you Faith for making my blog "pretty"! You did a fantastic job... I hope I can get the hang of this soon! But for now I'm counting on you to help me out!!!
 I'm kind of one of those people that keeps everything inside, and write stuff (or typing rather) has really been a relief of sorts.. I shall do my best to keep this going!! =) Thank you so much for your time and effort Faith, you are a great friend!

1 of my top favorite moments

Just wanted to jot this down so I can remember it forever! If I had 10 top favorite moments in my life this one would come in around the top!
 It isn't anything world shattering, just simply contentment at it's best..
Last week me and my little darlings where all sitting around the dinning room table.. Z was doing her math, Y was sitting in my lap coloring a picture with me and X was doing his puzzle.. And I donno what came over me, maybe the fact that they were all so STILL and quietly chatting about their favorite color and if Elmo was indeed supposed to be red.. (sesame street coloring book)  And I just looked around at them and felt so much love and contentment.. X the cute little 2 yr old who thinks he's 6. Y just needed a little different type of teaching, and she is blossoming before my eyes.. And Z..... That little girl with her 4 front teeth missing is growing up so fast! This is my little family.. If we were lions they'd be my pride. Wolfs, my pack. Sheep, my flock. Whales, my pod. Country, m' boys. Gangsta, my posse.. I donno why I just compared them to those! hahah.. But they are one of my greatest delights!

December 17 2010

Soooo I just got a christmas card from a dear friend, and she told me that i need to blog again!! hahah.. So here's to you my faithful friend!
 I haven't felt like blogging.. Just been extremely busy and crazy and I'm not very good at putting my feelings into words, which is why I started blogging in the first place.. (to exercise my expression) If that makes any sense.. Anway, since my last blog, my sister-in-law Sha-sha ( My brothers wife, and I feel that she is more my sister than just a sister in law.) was diagnosed with cancer.. She is the ripe young age of 28 and is the mommy of 2 little ones..  I had felt that the Lord was wanting to use me to organize a Benefit Dinner and Silent Auction in honour of my brothers family. They have health insurance but a large deductable and it was only last year that their baby boy was born 12 weeks premature and was in the NICU for close to 3 months.. And they were still paying on his hospital bills. For a few days I just prayed (and worried) about it, then I decided that if God wanted me to do it, then He would prepare a way for me.. And guess what, He did.. ♥  I started by calling my best friend who just so happens to be Sha-sha's sis-in-law from her other side.. =) And from there God started blessing.. For starters we were prepared to fork out money to buy the food.. But there was no need to, local resturants and grocery store donated food to feed 500 people. Then came the "where are we going to have this event?!" When we realized a certain church dinning hall was NOT going to be big enough. But the Lord came thru with an Amish restruant donating their facilities to our cause! So now we had enough room, tables, dishes, glasses, tableware, tea, coffee and the use of their kitchen. AND their cooks and dish crew!!! How amazing is that!?!?! They went above and beyond!! They are always closed on Sundays, and as far as I know, have never opend up on a sunday.. But they did for us.. The owner even made meat balls for our spaghetti.. We did not have to spend ONE cent on anything.. EVERYTHING was donated all the way down to the flyers. A local paper did an article on Sha sha and this event and commented that she'd never seen a Benefit that 100% of the proceeds went to the honoured family. Also the Amish resturant is usually packed with local businesses christmas parties on Saturdays, but guess what? We needed into those banquet rooms on saturday to set up 60 round tables and chairs annd get the silent auction ready, and for once in the month of December that saturday was completely empty. That is God. Period.  It was still a tremendous amount of work and preparring but we got it done with God's help!  And to tell the truth, the only other time I have ever felt so calm and confindent going into something so huge was at my wedding. I just knew the Lord was in control and why should I worry?.. (which is, by the way NOT me. I worry about everything! I even worry that I'm worrying too much!)  People gave with their hearts and I don't even know how much it raised.. I just  know that it was a huge success. Anyway, that is one reason why I haven't been on here yaking.. It's not for lacking of anything to say. I keep thinking during differnt encounters I have, ohhh, this would make a good blog!!!! =) hahah.. Especially the ones where I have encountered pure hateful people.. I just don't understand that people actually live with those feelings! Part of it is my fault tho.. I have been praying that the Lord would help me to grow in Grace and patience.. And buddy, I'm telling you.. Don't ever pray that unless you realllllly mean it!! hahahah!! Trust me! It's beyond me that certain people cannot be happy unless they are stirring up strife! And I hate the fact that when I'm confronted with hateful people I am always nice!! And later when I am brewing about it, think a million things up that I could have said.. But now that I reread that, I guess I'm glad I don't explode back at them because if I did, I wouldn't be any better than they are... But really.. I feel i have grown in grace and patience toward ignorant people, so now hopefully they can lay off! hahahhahah =) Well my kiddos are upstairs singing Praise Ye The Lord Halelujah! Time for nap and I gotta get this house whipped into shape!! Thanks for taking time to listen to my ramblings.. More later!

Sunday Afternoon Quiet Time

*sigh* it's not silent, but X is taking his nap, or at least baricaded into his room for the next hour, if  he naps or not the big question. Z is water painting, and Y is walking around looking for something to do.. Oh and The Hubs is out hanging tree stands... Which by the way, he shot his buck (11 point for those who are counting) Friday night..Which to me is FABULOUS! Although he will still be hunting, it's not that "gotta get a buck" panic!
 Last night we went to my sweet little nephews 1st birthday part! He is precious! Very smiley and happy guy! I loved holding him!!! Bless his heart, he has come so far in the past year! He was 12weeks premature, and had a bit of a rough begining.. ♥ He is perfectly perfect!

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Annnnnnnd it is now 10 42 pm.. The door bell rang and i had to stop "blogging" to visit with my friend.. =) What a nice day! Church was great... This morning we went to what the kids call "the far, far away church" which is an hour and twenty mins from here.. They asked The Hubs to preach/speak while their pastor was in a special meeting.. I enjoyed The Hubs message very much! I am so not a public speaker, so I really admire The Hubs for being so at ease with it! ♥
Tonight at our home church, we had a praise and worship service..Whenever there is 5 sundays in a month, our church has a pot luck dinner and an early evening service that is devoted to praise and songs.. BUT even tho today was a 5th Sunday, we didn't have a dinner and early servic today  because the next two week we are having dinners at church. Next Sunday is a farewell service and dinner for our Pastor. And the week after is a "welcome" service and dinner for our new Pastor!  Anyway, I'm not even sure why I just had to explain that.. It was rather irrelavent... heehee..
And WOW is it cold! Our van's temp said it was 34 degrees!! Time to put away my beloved flip flops I guess =(  Oh well.. Christmas is only around 7 weeks away.. And that is my favorite time of year!! =) Well my feet are freezing, and it's 5 till 11 and X, Y and Z are still not in bed.. Take care till next time!

Dear Z 5-13-04

Dear Z.. Here is your birthstory.. I still remember it like yesterday..
    May 12, 2004. I had been having contractions all night and all day long 10 mins apart.. I felt kinda stressed and antsy . But I  Didn't think much of it . Daddy came home from work around 5:30 pm excited that I had been having contractions.. I was kinda embarrassed to call my Doctor w/ them being so far apart and not that intense.. But my husband talked me into calling, and she told me to go over to the hospital.. That is when everything started sliding down hill.. When we got to the maternity triage, the nurse took my bp. 160/88.. She asked if I was nervous.. "Of course I am! I may be having our first  baby tonight! " By 8:00 pm my blood pressure was 198/110.. That was the last time they told me what it was.. I was put on Magnesium sulfate to keep me from having a seizure, Pitocen was added because the mag sulfate slowed my contractions.( I had an epidural by now.) I was feeling very nauseated from the high blood pressure and with every contraction I had, I would throw up.. I was very miserable.. But thing just kept getting worse.. The nurses gave me Phenergan which was supposed to keep me from vomiting..(it also makes you very sleepy and if your pg, your baby gets tired too) It ended up that I was allergic to it. (which I have never been allergic to anything that I know of) I was shaking all over.. The nurses thought that I was having a seizure.. But they discovered the hives covering my body and gave me a dose of benedrel to remedy to reaction.. (The Benadrel also made me makes very tired/ and you too because you were still inside me!) Before I had the epidural I was given Demerol (which too, causes low Apgar scores in babies) to ease the contractions. By the time I started to push my body was so heavily medicated I could hardly make it to the count of 7.. That's when they discovered our you were "sunny side up" which means you were facing up toward the ceiling, the largest part of her head was trying to come through.. I thought I would never make it.. And our doctor probably should have done a C-section then.. But she didn't and I pushed for over 2 hours.. You, our first baby girl was finally delivered at 2:06 pm on May 13th 2004.. With the help of the vacuum. As soon as you came out I was desperate to see you . You were a blueish gray color, and very "floppy". I reached out to touch your leg as Doc passed you to the nurses who worked fast and furious to resecitate you..  It seemed like forever before I heard your first sound..It sounded like a new born kitten.. Very weak and tiny. Then they rushed you away to the nursery..And then to the Childrens Hospital (45 mins away..) I was sooooo exhausted after 20 hours of labor, But I couldn't sleep until the transport team from the NICU brought you to my room.. The first good look I had of you was breif, but I will never forget how tiny you looked in that big isolet on that gurny w/ all those machines and wires and whatever else they could think to bring!  I could only reach through a little porthole from the side of the isolet..  I could hardly see you through the blurred vison from the blood pressure and my tears . I will never forget how soft your skin was. I rubbed your check. And I thought that your face was so perfectly round and smooth, quite easily the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.. And yes, I did peak into your diaper just to make sure you were still a girl!! The fact that I was your mommy and this little tiny being was my baby was still sinking in when they had to take you away..
 But thank goodness for prayers.. God touched you my little daughter and you  recovered quickly.. . The next evening the nicu sent you back to my hospital to be with me..  Doctor brought you into my room and finally place you in my arms where you belonged. The way it should have happend 24 hours before.. = ) But I was sooo happy to see you I didn't care about anything else..   Daddy came in 5 mins later and we enjoyed our first moments as a little family.. You started nursing right away, and was very good at it!  A few days later we got to go home and start our lives with you!!

..Today you are perfect in every way.. Your doctor told us you are very advanced  intellectually.. It makes me feel so proud of you, knowing how close we came to losing you or you  little brain being damaged from the lack of oxegen right before and after birth. We will always thank our Lord for ur lil miracle..
All my love,
  Mommy

Dear Y 10-02-06

Dearest Y.. I've been wanting to write down your birth story for some time now.. I always want to be able to rememeber every detail of our special miracle..

You actually came earlier than we expected! 3 weeks to be exact!  We moved into our new house.Daddy and I spent the weekend before we moved in painting and cleaning.. It was tough trying to do everything at 35 weeks pg!! Daddy wouldn't let me do hardly anything, because he didn't want anything to happen to you or me.. = ) Well, we finally got moved in, and started trying to unpack boxes, and repacking suitcases for our vacation to V.A. Beach for your aunt yayas wedding..!! We spent 5 nights in our new house before we had to leave for vacation. I did get to wash up all your baby clothes 2 days before we left..  I got them folded but not put away..  We had a wonderful time on vacation.. I didn't have hardly any contractions.. Your aunt Shasha (who is pg with your cousin Ash) and I dug belly holes in the sand on the beach so we could lay out on our tummys with out hurting you girls or ourselves! Aunt Yaya and Uncle Harry Potter were married on the beach, it was a beautiful wedding.. Aunt Jamie and I did all the decorating.. It was exhusting but well worth the work.. I was very tired on the 11 hour trip home..My head was hurting and I kept having vision disturbances.. ( looks like fireworks) and my feet were swelling and when I would press on them they made dents.. (uh oh)... So we desided to spend the night in a hotel.. Daddy wanted to watch the Ohio State game anyway. (they won of course) So we all welcomed the break..

 We finally made it home on Sunday afternoon.. Daddy went to church  that night, but I didn't feel like it...So I stayed home to unpack suitcases and get your clothes hung up and put away.. I also set up your layette and bassinette in the dinning room so I wouldn't have to run upstairs everytime I had to change you.. I set up your other bassinette in our room also.. I guess that somehow I knew you would be coming soon.. My nesting instinct was kicking in really strong!  Well, the next day.. Monday, October 2nd 2006 started out ordanary.. Me and Z woke up and got dressed and went to work at Mommaw's and Pappaws house..  (the office is at their house) Actually, we had to take a shower at their house because our well water at our house was terrible! And I didn't want to bathe myself or Z  in it till we got our water softner put in.. 

 I still hadn't had a minute to pack a hospital suitcase.. I did leave a small one in our closet when I unpacked from vacation with the intent of repacking it for the hospital.. I should have done it Sunday night, but I was too tired.. and thought I'd do it after work on Monday.. But....... Of course, I didn't get to go home after work.. = )  I had to go to my 37 week OB appointment at 1:30.. So we left Mommaw and Pappaw's house and went to the Doctors.. We met Mommaw at the office so she could watch your sister while I went in..

 I had to wait a little while for the Doc Orafu to come in.. So they had a student nurse come in and she had to ask me a few questions for her evaluation at school.. It was kinda funny the questions she asked.. She needed to know what I had to eat in the last 24 hours.. = ) haha.. I told her that she picked the worst day to ask that question.. (I actually try to watch what I eat..) Remember, we were driving home in the last 24 hours.. = ) So I had to tell her that I ate a bacon egg and cheese biscit from Hardees for breakfast.. A Jr Bacon cheese burger from Wendys for lunch.. And we ordered Pizza for supper after we got home.( we really needed to do some serious grocery shopping) Totally a unhealthy and all junkfood diet!! I did explain that I never eat that, but under the circumstances! She and the other nurses thought it was pretty funny..

 Well, after the student nurse and the ob nurse had their laugh, they took my blood pressure.. It was pretty high.. 145/85.. (mine usually runs 115/60)  My OB finally came in looking very conserned and took my bp agian.. It was even higher that time..  She looked at my feet and saw that they were swollen, and I told her that I had a head ache (since the Thursday before) and I was seeing spots. I also gained about 8 pounds in one week. She tested my reflexes, and they just confirmed what we both feared.. Preeclampsia again..  She checked my cervix and I was dialated to 2 cm..  She proceeded to "strip my membranes" Which is where she seperates the cervix from your bag of water..(membranes) It releases hormones that causes contractions..  She told me to go straight to the hospital.. Not to make any stops on the way there and to make all my phone calls after I got there.. And that she would call the hospital and let them know I was on my way there.. Her consern was really worring me!!! I walked out to the car where your mommaw and sissy were waiting.. I told your mommaw that "we are going to have a baby today!"  I could tell she was kinda panicking a little..  I called your daddy and told him the same thing.. He was at work, and didn't have a way to get to the hospital. So he and mommaw figured out a way for her to go pick him up.. Since he rode with his brother and didn't have his car with him) I disobeyed my OB's orders and called a few people before I left the parking lot. I called my Mom-in-law and sis-in-law.. I just need to let a few people know so they could start praying!!!

 Luckily, I had brought along my bathroom bag to work that day, (remember, I had to shower there because our wellwater was soo terrible). Atleast I did have that!

Daddy was about 20 mins away when I got to the hospital, so I thought I should probably go ahead and go in.. It wouldn't be good if I had a sezuire, stroke or heart attack in the hospital parking lot by myself.. So there we went, me and you up to the materity foor.. I told the lady in the elevator that I was going to have a baby today.. haha, I was still getting used to the fact myself!! = ) She just smiled and said good luck..

   2:30 pm ..Well, the nurses where ready and waiting for us when we walked up to the desk.. They made me pee in a cup and put on a gown, get into bed hooked up an IV and hooked up a bunch of monitors to my belly to make sure you were still doing okay.. (I could hear your heartbeat on the monitor, it made me feel better just to hear you!) My nurse, Mary Beth was the best! She was calm and explained everything to me..

2:45 pmBy this time I had dialated to 3cm in just about 30 mins from the doc office.. She went ahead and hooked up the Pitocen to the IV.. They drew some blood from me to test and see if I needed a special medicine called Magnisum Sulfate.. It is a life saving drug, but the side affects are horrible. It doesn't decrease BP, but it does keep me from having seizures or a stroke/heart attack.. (from the high blood pressure) . I had to have it when I was in labor with your sister.. I was terrified of having it again.. I really didn't want it!! I asked my mom-in-law to call our church prayer chain to pray.. She did and it ended up that I didn't have to have it..(Thank God!)

 3:00pm Daddy is finally got there! I felt soooo much better when he got there.. I made a list of a few things I needed and Mommaw went home and got them.. She also called Uncle Rance and Aunt Jamie and they came up from Newark to cheer us on!!

 3:30 pm contractions are coming every 4-5 mins..I'm 4 cm dialated.. They are starting to get stronger.. Nothing I can't handle, but they are annoying me! You are doing very well.. Heart beating stongly.. Daddy and I pray that all will go well.. My blood pressure is coming down some.. It went as high as 155/92.. (not as high as it was with your sister though..Over  200/110) But still high.. I believe God was answering our prayers.. Because it didn't keep going up like it did with Mackenzie.. It was actually comeing down somtimes to 120/80.. ... I try to get some sleep..

6:00pm 5cm dialated.. Dr, Orafu comes in and breaks my water.. That is an odd feeling.. Yuck!! = ) This is the turning point!! My nurse comes in and asks if I want an epidural.. I tell her yes, but to take her time getting the anistegiologist- sp.. the pain wasn't that bad...  As soon as she left the room though my contractions started reallllllllly hurting!  And I wished that I had told her to HURRY!!

6:15 pm.. He is here, bless his heart!!! The anistegiologist has me sit up and slouch my shoulders in between contractions.. I feel a pinch and my epidural is in.. Ahhh relief is coming!

7:00pm Can't feel contraction right now.. I know I should some sleep but I cant!! I'm tooo excited to see you! Daddy leaves to get some food for himself and me some popsicles.. While he is away, my epidural wears off on the right side of my body.. I can feel everything on the right side and I can't move my left leg.. I call the nurse and she has me turn from side to side but nothing is helping... Mommaw is there trying to comfort me.. Finally Daddy gets back.. And he tries to help me consintrate through contractions..

8:00pm When we get phone calls we tell them that you will probably be here around 2-3am..

8:45: I feel pressure to push! I call the nurse in and she checks my cervix.. I'm 7 cm.. She waits..

8:50pm Contraction, and the nurse checks my cervix. 8 cm.

8:55pm Same thing. Contraction, the nurse checks.. 9 cm

9:00pm Contraction, nurse checks again... 10 CM!! COMPLETE!! YEAH!! She has me give a small push.. And then tells me not to push anymore, that she is calling my doctor in!!

Lots of stuff going on now in our room..  They are breaking the bed down, and bringing in a mirror.. Getting a warmer ready for you, and Dr is getting dressed in her birthday garb!

9:25 pm Starting to push! I have to really consintrate where to push.. I can feel you moving down the birth canal.. I know that I will be able to see you soon!!!  I feel another contraction and push.. Daddy says he can see your head.. You have black hair he says.. I look down into the mirror and can see it for myself.. It gives me more energy to know you are just about here.. I push again and this time your head comes out!! I can see you in the mirror, your face is all scrunched up and beautiful.. Dr suctions your nose and mouth.. I push one more time and your little body slips out into dr's arms.. It's a girl! the nurse says.. I am sitting up now, trying to see you... I desperatly want you to cry.. And you do.. It is a huge relief to me!! I feel all choked up with emotions.. Daddy is kissing my forehead and telling me how happy he is.. I hold my hands out and Dr. puts you on my belly where daddy is able to cut your umblical cord.. It's a magical, sereal moment.. I am looking at you for the first time.. Trying to find something familiar in your face... you look alot like your big sister.. You are crying loudly.. I love the sound and I tell you so! I kiss your little wet head.. Daddy is touching your leg.. Mommaw is taking a bunch of pictures.. and talking to aunt yaya on the phone.. Mommaw called her right before you were born so she could hear you be born.. She can hear you crying and she is getting all emotional herself!! = ) The nurse takes you to the warmer where she can finish drying you off. You are yelling out your protest!! Your apgar scores are great! 9 and 9! 10 is the perfect score.. But compared to your sisters 2 & 4.  Nine is awsome! I will take that! The nurse wraps you  up and puts a hat on your head.. She hands you to daddy and he hands you to me.. I hold you close and send thank you prayers to God.. I try to get you to nurse, and you latch on right away.. I notice that you are breathing kind of fast.. So I tell your nurse.. She takes you to the nursery.. I am worried about you.. and so is everyone else.. Your pediatrition sends you to Akron Childrens Hospital Neonatal Intisive Care Unit..(NICU) 50 mins away for our house.. You have respitory distress syndrom.. Your lungs aren't all the way developed.. and you are having a hard time breathing.. But it only takes a few days for them to finish developing and finally you can breath normal.  But unfortunitly you developed jaudice.. Your levels are 20.. (that is seriously high) so you have to have phototheropy for 3 days.. You finally get that out of your system.. And after several days in the NICU we finally got to bring you home!!

 I love you my sweet little Y...  I am blessed to call you my daughter.

 - Mommy

Dear X 5-6-08

Well here we are.. I wrote your sisters birth stories, and know I want to tell you yours.. That way we will always remember how our 3rd miracle came to us!
 May 6, 2008... A wonderfully perfect day to be born.. The sun was shining and it was very warm!  As soon as I woke up I knew today would be your day! I had an appointment for our 38 week checkup at 11:30am.. I cleaned house, took a shower got your sisters bathed and dressed and packed their diaper bag with snacks and sippy cups for the hospital waiting room.. (I told you I knew you where on your way!) "White" Mommaw  came over to watch your sisters while I was at the doctors.. I loaded up my suitcase and pillows into the van and gave Mommaw Y's carseat.. Just incase... = )
 Daddy met me at the office.. The nurse took my bp and yes, it was higher than we like.. 140/85.. My feet, hands and face where swollen.. I had gained over 5 lbs in the last 7 days.. Doc came in and checked my bp again.. And this time it was 160/110 TOOOO HIGH! So she checked my cervix which was 3 almost 4 cm dialated already.. So she said that we are having a baby today! She sent me to the hospital.. I'm not sure how long I would have lasted if I hadn't had the preeclampsia anyway, walking around at 4 cm.. My water could have broke at any moment!! = )
 Well, since daddy met me at the docs.. He had to take his work truck back to the shop.. So I went on the hospital by myself..lol.. It seems funny now, I got some funny looks in the lobby, I can just see it now.. A big ole pregnant women carrying 2 pillows 1 diaperbag and a camera bag and pulling a suit case up to the elevators! I guess I should have left them in the car and had Daddy run get them when he got there.. = ) Oh well...
 Well, I finally got to my room. Changed and got into the bed, the nurse hooked up the monitors and started my IVs.. Daddy finally got there in the middle of that.. We called a few people to let them know what was going on..
1:30pm My doc came in and broke my water, started pitocen and we were on our way!!!
2:30pm 5 cm.. My nurse came in and said that they were going to turn up the pitocen, and that if was to get an epidural I should do it now! I said I would think about it.. Originally I had planned to go natural.. But daddy talked me into getting it.. Seeing that pitocen gives you unnatural contractions.... And I decided I had tasted enough of the natural child birth scene..!! lol..
3:30pm Got the epidural.. Need I say more?!
5:15pm Still  at 6 cm.. Your head is still high and to my right side. Not down far enough... Doc came in and checked me.. She was trying to decide if she should do her scheduled c-section at 5:30pm . Since I had been at 6 cm for about an hour she thought she would have time to do the c-section and get back in time to deliver me..  She had me turn on my right side and sit up a little more.. Letting gravity do some work.
5:25pm.. Uh oh. I feel pressure! I called my nurse and told her that she needed to check me.  She did, and using a word that I don't,  ran out of the room to warn my doc that I was 9-10cm Calling over her shoulder to me, DONT MOVE!!!! lol.. I wasn't going to go anywhere!
5:30pmUnfortuantly, my doc had already scrubbed in to surgery.. So trying to recall breathing technics from lamaze class from 4 years ago, we had to refrain from pushing for an hour while we waited on my doc to finish with a c-sec..
6:00pm You where so low in the birth canal that it was past the epidural point! There comes a time were you have no control over pushing, and I had reached that along time ago!! I was pushing against my will!!
6:30pm doc finally runs into our room! Just a minute she says, I have to wash my hands!! = ) lol....
6:35pm The nurses finally break down the bed and take out my catheter.. Go ahead and give a push she says.. Finally!!!
6:37 After a  few pushes I can feel you crowning.. Daddy wispers to me.. I can see his head! He has dark hair! Push baby, push! push!! I open my eyes and see your little head, your cord was wrapped around your neck 2 times! So that is why your heartbeat kept going down during contractions! One more push and your little body is out! "THERE HE IS" I say.."and he's so little!" And Doc suctions your mouth out and lays you on my belly.. Oh, I'm was overwhelmed with love for you! The nurse is wiping you off and you cry for the first time! I thought that it was the most beautiful sound in the world.. You are still purple from the nucal cord, so the nurse takes you to the warmer and gives you some oxigen.. And you pink up quickly.. But before she takes you off my chest, I take a peek at your package!! He's still a boy I say.. Everyone laughed, even though I didn't mean for it to be funny.. = )
They weigh and measure you.. 7 lbs 6.1 oz and 19 inches long.. Completly Perfect....
After they finish cleaning you up. They hand you to your daddy.. Your proud daddy.. He has his girls, and now his son..
He gives you to me and you start to nurse for the first time.. Already a pro.. Your sisters are excited to meet you. They have on their pink "big Sisters" t-shirts..  They want to hold and kiss you! You are very loved already!
I'm so happy that you are here... You have stolen our hearts. I love you so much my little man..All we can do is thank God for his blessings.. They are much more than we deserve!
      All my love,
   Mommy

October 29, 2010

Well here it is... My first ever BLOG! lol I've been thinking about this for awhile.. And I kind of use FB as my blog.. So I thought, why don't I just make a real one!!! =) So here goes nothing! So much new stuff to try out on here.. Hopefully I'll get the hang of it soon! Hmmmm...... So what do I talk about?!?! Maybe I should introduce myself.. I'm Sheila I'm 28 or 29, isn't it weird once you have kids your age doesn't really matter anymore? I am infact 28. I just counted it up from 1982. I'm the middle child of Mack and Denise. I have an older brother and a younger sister, both whom I love very much.. =) (I love my parents too) I was born in Ohio, moved to SC and lived there from the time I was 6yrs old till 19 yrs old. I met my future Hubs at a TN Church Campmeeting in June 2000, and we were married June 2001. Only 1 week and 1 day after I graduated from high school.  On May 13,2004 With great joy we welcomed our first daughter Z. October 2,2006 we welcomed our second daughter,  Y. And on May 6, 2008 we welcomed our first son X. We have 2 more children in heaven.. Unfortunantly they didn't survive the first trimester of pregnancy. I always hesitate to include them, makes it kind of akward, especially for those who haven't miscarried before. But they were infact my babies, and were loved very much.. (still are) So I will include them here.. To be totally honest losing them changed me.. I see even more what a  special miracle evey child is, and apprieate them each as one (a miracle).  More on them later...♥
We live in a green house.. Which my daughters so lovingly call "the pickle" house.. I talked my hubs into getting us some chickens in the spring.. And I thought they'd never start laying eggs.. They are 30 somthing weeks now, and have just begun producing beautiful brown eggs.. How excited we were when we found that first egg!! =) We have a dog.. Her name is Holly.. She is a mut.. But the best mutt ever! Except right now she is shedding like no other, and thinks that the sofa is her personal bed, and leaves a pile of hair whenever she gets up.. I think it's time to fork out the 40$ at walmart and get her a nice "dog" bed.. And forbid her to ever step one foot on the sofas again!! =) haha.. that will probably never happen.. Infact she sleeps on our bed.. Yep, the same bed that rarely a child gets to sleep in with us.. And our dog sleeps in it everynight..(it's not forbidden for the kiddos to sleep with us, but they don't press the issue and neither do we!) Anyway.... I drive a minivan, with the 5 little shadow figures of our family on the back window.. =) Which, by the way, I had before it was "cool" to have them.. =) I feel extremely out of wack when my house is messy.. So I feel "out of wack" almost all the time because my house is ALWAYS messy.. My hubs said today that it seems like the older our kids get the worse they get about picking anything up.. To which I said, well they are just like their father, to which I will qoute, "I really don't like when the house is a mess, but I don't pick anything up because I know you (the wife) will do it" Yup, he actually SAID THAT! LOL But other than letting me do all the work on the inside and outside of the house..(except mowing the rediculusly large yard) he is the most wonderful, caring, loving, husband and friend..(and father) And I love him with all my heart.. ♥ Well, those are some of the highlights of Sheila.. Hope you enjoyed it! (how do you close one of these?)  Maybe with a Goodbye, see you later?!?! hahah...